10/29/06 09:26 pm - glowingember3 - New here
I'm posting here because I am currently struggling with body/eating issues, and need as much support as possible.
Highest Weight: 145
Height: 5 feet 5 inches
Essentially, I gained a lot of weight senior year of high school/freshman year of college- stress eating, denial.
Then spring of my freshman year I began to diet, and exercise, and lost weight.
I am content with my body now, but the problem is, I am absolutely terrified of gaining the weight back. And so, I began a few months ago to purge, and some times binge and purge. Sometimes i feel the need to purge even if I had a decent and healthy meal or snack. But now I can't handle feeling full/satisfied - in fact I can't even tell if I am truly full or hungry any more. So sometimes I also really restrict what I eat, and deprive myself. However this usually leads to a binge/purge. Of course. It all makes sense, why I do it, but for some reason its spun out of control and I can't stop. I love food, but hate it...vicious cycle.
I also feel the need to exercise every day, and am getting a little too obssesive, to the point where I feel absolutely horrible and guilty if I miss a day. Most days I usually run for at least 45 min, but recently have been going for over an hour. I also lift weights twice a week, but add a 30 min run b/c i feel guilty if i dont do cardio, even though the weight workout on its own probably is sufficient. Notice the obsession?
I am always distracted by food, or thinking about what I ate/ what I will eat/what I should have eaten, etc.
I spend too much time examining myself from every angle in the mirror, trying on clothing, feeling my bones.
Recently peers in school have been telling me how much weight I have lost. This puts an enormous amount of pressure on me- and makes me wonder- did I look that awful before? What if I gained 5 pounds, would that make me disgusting again?
I want to stop this madness, and maintain my current weight without feeling the need to throw up everything I eat. I want to stop wasting so much precious time worrying about this!
I am also seeing a nutritionist, will see a therapist, but I want support from people going through the same stuff I am.
Friend me! I would love to discuss any of this with all of you, and help you too!