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Struggles With Food

Require Help

10/29/06 09:26 pm - glowingember3 - New here

Hi all,

I'm posting here because I am currently struggling with body/eating issues, and need as much support as possible.

Back Story:

Highest Weight: 145
Current: 119
Height: 5 feet 5 inches

Essentially, I gained a lot of weight senior year of high school/freshman year of college- stress eating, denial.

Then spring of my freshman year I began to diet, and exercise, and lost weight.

I am content with my body now, but the problem is, I am absolutely terrified of gaining the weight back. And so, I began a few months ago to purge, and some times binge and purge. Sometimes i feel the need to purge even if I had a decent and healthy meal or snack. But now I can't handle feeling full/satisfied - in fact I can't even tell if I am truly full or hungry any more. So sometimes I also really restrict what I eat, and deprive myself. However this usually leads to a binge/purge. Of course. It all makes sense, why I do it, but for some reason its spun out of control and I can't stop. I love food, but hate it...vicious cycle.

I also feel the need to exercise every day, and am getting a little too obssesive, to the point where I feel absolutely horrible and guilty if I miss a day. Most days I usually run for at least 45 min, but recently have been going for over an hour. I also lift weights twice a week, but add a 30 min run b/c i feel guilty if i dont do cardio, even though the weight workout on its own probably is sufficient. Notice the obsession?

I am always distracted by food, or thinking about what I ate/ what I will eat/what I should have eaten, etc.
I spend too much time examining myself from every angle in the mirror, trying on clothing, feeling my bones.

Recently peers in school have been telling me how much weight I have lost. This puts an enormous amount of pressure on me- and makes me wonder- did I look that awful before? What if I gained 5 pounds, would that make me disgusting again?

I want to stop this madness, and maintain my current weight without feeling the need to throw up everything I eat. I want to stop wasting so much precious time worrying about this!

I am also seeing a nutritionist, will see a therapist, but I want support from people going through the same stuff I am.

Friend me! I would love to discuss any of this with all of you, and help you too!

-glowing ember

8/5/06 03:48 pm - christianteen05

I'm changing this community now.

I no longer will be approving posts. anybody is free to post openly, not a problem.

I've hidden previous entries. if anyone would like those to be available to be seen, please let me know.

This community is about prayer and accountability! please be supportive and honest in posts and comments.

any other suggestions, please let me know.

I'll allow one other person to be a moderator. please let me know if you're interested in that, and we'll talk.

God Bless!

8/8/04 10:35 pm - christianteen05

a thought crossed my mind tonight. it's been several months since the last time I threw up, and I'm glad I'm over it. I really truly am. but I often find myself missing it. it seems so odd to me to be glad that something is gone, and yet miss it too. I would just like prayer that I won't begin to turn back to it just because of small moments.

7/18/04 01:44 pm - trpentinechaser

"He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:34

That's how we're healed. Giving all of ourselves and putting all of our faith in the Lord is what is going to break us free from this bondage.

I hope that speaks to someone the way it spoke to me this morning. Let's hope that it sticks :)

In Christ,

7/14/04 09:31 am - trpentinechaser

Hey ya'll, first post :)

My name is Melissa. I'm 18 (almost 19!) years old and I'll be a freshman at the University of Illinois in the fall. I've been eating disorded since I was 14. I'm technically EDNOS, as I don't fit the clinical description for anorexia or bulimia. I tend to go in phases. I'm currently in an ana phase, though I have purged a few times over the course of the last week. I've never received treatment of any kind besides anti-depressants that I quit taking because they made me suicidal. My greatest struggle with my ED is the way it effects my relationship with God. I can go into ridiculous amounts of detail about that, but I'll save that for another time :)

I hope to see this community really get going!

In Christ,

7/9/04 02:35 pm - christianteen05

this community has changed.

you'll have to get approval from me before joining this community. I will allow anyone and everyone. I don't discriminate. I would just like to know who is involved in this community, and when they joined.

from now on, I will be monitoring this community. anything you try to post in this community will come to my email for approval first.

your first entry to this community must be sharing something about yourself. if you'd rather not have it posted in here, please let me now, and I'll make sure it doesn't get posted. I would just like to know something about you. if you don't send me this post, I will not allow you to post anything else in here.

what conditon you have
if you've ever been in the hospital because of it
if you've received any therapist treatment
last time you threw up if you're bulimic
lowest weight if you're anorexic
what you believe
what you'd like to get out of this community

I know this seems a little unfair, but I would like to get to know everyone in here.

7/2/04 09:46 am - pink_angels - Hmmmmm.....

another distorted image by Angelica

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
Had a strange couple of days. Always eat a bit when I'm ill because I just feel like I have ZERO energy and therefore need a little bit to keep me going. Hard to stomach when you are used to black coffee, and then a little dinner once a day about 7pm, but hey, apart from the fat gut and the fear and self loathing, it was fine [/sarcasm].
The worst bit about being ill is exercise. I find it so hard, whereas normally I need it more than anything else. Still got my fat arse on my bike and pedalled away but you know what it's like - unless you do your normal target, or better when you exceed it, then it's not good enough. That little voice talls you that you're a stupid lazy selfish cow for worrying about fainting in front of your family if you'd gone on, and how you should have burned that other 150 cals away anyway - especially as you ate in the day. Small flapjack and some rice cakes. Fuck me, I feel revolted at the mere thought of it.
Want me to link you? Click hereCollapse )

6/10/04 12:47 pm - pink_angels - Please post up your history.

Pretty - and oddly enough nothing like meI thought it might be nice if we posted up our histories of how we came to be where we are now. It might just be interesting to see how much common ground most of us have. Please post these details either in a new message if you are a member of ANA ANGELS - or else pop it in the free-for-all BUDDY LIST.

Do you have a GENETIC PREDISPOSITION? Do ED's run in your family?
Did you have a stereotypical 'anorexic family' growing up? That is negative, where parents were interfering and overprotective and where expectations were unusually high to achieve and succeed? Did you avoid conflict with your family? One parent overbearing while the other was quite passive? Family rules so strong it was difficult to express your individuality?
Were you subjected to abuse - whether of a sexual, physical or emotional nature?
Did your ED start due to adolescent crisis?Were you stopped from taking risks at this age and was your homelife unstable at this time?
Did it start out as a desire to conform to the social desire to be slim?
Was it a part of searching for autonomy?
Did you inherit low self esteem from parents who feel that way about themselves?
Did it start around the time of a period of separation or loss?

Just thought it would be nice to share. I fall into almost every category and it's actually of some kind of comfort to know I'm just a textbook anorexic as opposed to being the freak I always felt like growing up. The person is inside my head, that is me. But 'the body' I am trapped in just makes me sick.

6/7/04 04:28 pm - christianteen05 - my story

I'm a little disappointed at how few entries there are here, so I'll try to jumpstart things a lil bit and share my story.

my storyCollapse )

that's my story, and that's pretty much who I am. feel free to comment and share your own stories. I'd appreciate it.

6/7/04 12:19 pm - pink_angels - Hi - please join Ana-Angels

My new community is open at ANA ANGELS COMMUNITY where we welcome members with depression, any ed, ocd, and more. I could do with the support right now, so if you write your own journal please join up and become a friend of Ana-Angels. This is the LiveJournal version of the former website, so please support us, the forum is already up, as is the buddy list - I will try to make it as interactive as possible, plus it will be a great place to share help and advice.
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